The Power of an Accessory

While at work the other day I had a sudden epiphany. As I folded, straightened and sighed my coworker stopped and looked at me. With a smile she said,"You look really nice today." After my thank you response we continued on with our work and helping of customers.
A few hours later another coworker came in to work. We chatted away happily amongst the sale items and such. Suddenly she too stops and asks if I am going somewhere special. Upon my negative reply she states that I am dressed up. I look down at my attire. I really don't notice anything vastly different. Khaki capris- check. Blue nice t-shirt- check. Cute wedge flip flops- check. So okay, I look nice, but something has to be different. Then I feel it; the extra weight around my neck....the clunky blue stone necklace I bought years ago at Lane Bryant. I had added it on a whim today, feeling like a little something different.
Obviously the difference was vast. I had not only one, but two people comment. The power of the accessory is great. So, my advice to you is that if you want to add a little spring to your step, a little zing to your zang, a little extra something..... invest in accessories. They can make the common seem uncommon.

Car shopping concluded

So, did you know that car shopping can make you feel physically ill? Yep- it does. First of all, we bought a car today. This is a good thing and I think we paid a fair price. BUT, here it comes, I feel sick to my stomach and upset. This is what happens to me when I spend (or commit to spend) a large sum of money. My innards get knotted and twist and turn and make my life unpleasant. Then my mood plummets and I can't enjoy myself or my new purchase. Nothing but time will ease my plight. I should be overjoyed and jumping up and down, but I am not. My husband can barely contain his glee at our new ride, but tries to keep a lid on it for fear of making me more upset. It is a double edged sword.

I sit here and wonder what is wrong with me. I should be happy that I have a new vehicle- a swagger wagon to boot. This car will be perfect for my family for the next few years.

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...

car shopping

So, we have been shopping for a new car. Can I just tell you how much car shopping sucks? Well, it does. As my sister commented, it is worse than bathing suit and jean shopping rolled into one. Seriously, there are so many different options. There is make, model, year and then there are all the little options! I haven't even broached the price.

As soon as you arrive in the lot, the salesmen are :
"I will give you a great deal."
"Just let me work with some numbers."
"I will give you top dollar on your trade in."
"Not a problem."
"We can do that for you."
They don't mention that they don't really have the clout. They rope you in and then hand you off to the head honcho. One place took off a mere $100. Most places took off a few hundred. Then you feel the pressure and the feeling of "Oh crap- if I don't buy it now, someone else will. What if this is the car I need? What if???" Then when you do decide to go home and think about it they sell the car to someone else. OR they tell you they have a specific car on the lot and you drive 45 minutes to see it and they miraculously "sold it" while you were in transit. Aghhhh!

OK- that is merely the tip of the oh shit car shopping iceberg.

So we may or may not get a new car tomorrow. We have been looking for about a week and a half.... hopefully we get a new one soon. I really hate car shopping.

A little encouragement

With a huge grin, sparkling inquisitive eyes, a tilt of her head and the mere statement of "More, Mommy!", my 8 year old daughter gave me the courage to continue on my writing endeavor.
Yesterday I read the intro and first 2 chapters of my ongoing attempt at writing a children's chapter book to my 2 girls. Brinly was so excited. She thought the characters were them when in truth the characters are just loosely based on my girls. She started out reading the piece, but then was so impatient I took over and read aloud to both girls. They loved it! I am not sure if it was the fact I had written it or the content. Regardless, it gave me some sorely lacking confidence.
Thus, The Adventures of Hazelbelle and Violet are once more underway. There is a mystery to be solved!

Got carried away

So, I have learned that I shouldn't write while I am in a bad mood. I tend to be a little wordy when writing, putting emotion and power behind words unnecessarily. Add on to all this emotion the fact that my 5 year old was nagging constantly that she was hungry. (She had just eaten an enormous amount at breakfast... go figure.) While it is totally true that I need to get healthy and lose some weight, I do not feel like it is the end of the world by any means. I was channeling anger directed at myself (I tried on an outfit and it looked terrible.) and I was upset for someone very close to me. All those feelings combined and circled around inside me. They needed an outlet so I sat down and wrote.

Writing things down can be a wonderful avenue for venting frustrations, anger, happiness,love or sadness. Writing is an awesome way to express emotions. Sometimes I can get so wrapped up in the way the words and meanings flow together that I lose sight of its purpose. Does that make sense? I have such hopes and dreams of finally writing and being creative. I think I can get carried away.

So, my goal for this week is to start concentrating on my writing. Of course, it wouldn't hurt to lose a pound or two along the way... =)

Hard Decisions

Life is full of decisions... some easy and some hard. I know it sounds so cliche, but it is true. We all face them and we all deal with them differently. Some people spend money, some get sick, some eat, some can't sleep and others act like nothing is wrong. I am one of those lucky ones that lose sleep. I lay in bed and toss and turn and stare at the ceiling while rapid thoughts fire through my head. It is frustrating and I often turn into a major grump. Couple that grumpiness with stress from all that decision making and I am sure you can imagine what my poor family suffers. In addition I also tend to eat. Not good.

So lately I have had numerous personal decisions to make. I have done the obvious... I have avoided them until the lack of sleep has turned me into a surly monster. My outlook on my life in dull. I used to have such vibrant hopes and now I find myself quite boring. I have never been what one would call spontaneous, but I used to be a lot more fun. Yet, I do nothing to rectify the situation. Sure, I get a new hairdo or I get my nails painted, but that is just camouflaging the problem. I am almost 40 years of age. I should be able to do it. I should, but I have fallen into this comfort zone and I am too scared to get out. I feel embarrassed and ashamed, but still I do nothing. Why? Because it puts me back out there; accountable. At this point I am sure you are wondering what the heck I am talking about. I am talking about me.... I need to get back in shape and healthy. I need to do it not only for me, but my family. Because where I am right now isn't healthy- mentally or physically. But as I said, I am almost 40. It is hard to leave my comfort zone and watch every morsel of food, count every calorie and get my big butt to the gym. I find every excuse. But now my body is starting to get mad at me.... my back hurts, my knee hurts, I can't do the things I had always imagined doing with my children. Brian, the girls and the rest of my family mean too much to me for me to no longer do nothing. I need to be happy and healthy. It is embarrassing and to be honest, I can't believe that I am writing it down. But see, for me, this is my first baby step. I am getting it out there and now I am accountable.

This is only one of the hard decisions I am making, but the others will just have to take the back burner for now. It is just a drop in the bucket that is my life. I have come to this crossroads so many times. I never seem to stay on the right path. I am not a young chicken anymore; my body is used to its current state of laziness. The constant unsaid pressure that I feel is such a burden and makes me want to cry. Crying is only an option for so long though.

Life choices are never easy. Whether it is getting a new job, ending a relationship, or getting your life on the right path, all these choices take a drain on us. How we deal with them is often one of the hardest parts. Me? Well, at this point sleep is a rare and wonderful thing. I seriously can not remember the last time I slept through the night. I am hoping to get a new bed for my birthday and am keeping my fingers crossed that between that and my new life choice, I may once again slumber in peace. As of Monday morning, food will be my enemy or perhaps a new friend. I have yet to make that decision.

More than a doll

Looking over I see her laying haphazardly on the sofa. She has been abandoned; left alone in the mess that is our living room. I am shocked and a bit perturbed that she has such little meaning to my child. Really??? She was my pride and joy as a child, my constant companion and devote confidante. How could Brinly just leave her there where someone could sit on her or, even worse, throw her to the floor in complete disregard of her once great import?

I gently pick her up. Looking around sheepishly, I cradle her to my shoulder and inhale her scent. Memories from my childhood flash rapidly upon my now closed eyelids. I squeeze her close and say ,"Thank you...".

Softly I set her back upon the sofa; placing her in an upright position next to me. I look over and smile as my once constant companion is yet again by my side. I should be embarrassed, yet I am not. Remembering the small things is sometimes the most important thing you can do to realign your thoughts. For that moment I feel a since of peace and rightness. Thank you Rub A Dub..... although you now belong to my daughter, I am so glad you are still in my life.

A sigh

Tonight I have that letdown feeling. You know what I mean- that feeling that all the preparations and bustle have come and gone, that the big events are over and that now a hush has fallen over you, yet you expect that you should be doing something more.

This last week has been a whirlwind leading up to a 5 year olds dinosaur birthday party and the hosting of Easter. I have felt the "GO GO GO" mentality of getting everything ready. Do I have enough planned for the children? Are the snacks appetizing to them, yet still go with our dino theme? What if it rains- do I have a backup plan... I am so counting on the bouncy house for entertainment. Needless to say, the party went well. At least for the children....me???? I felt rushed and frantic. I didn't get a moment to talk with my friends and I worried that the adults were bored the whole time. I felt guilt that it wasn't an upbeat and entertaining event for all. My 5 year old, however, had a blast and loved her party. She was so happy that all her friends were there and she had a marvelous time. I guess that is what really mattered as it was her party. You always feel this pressure as a hostess though, whether it is with stranger, friends or family.

Which leads me to Easter. I always stress out at family events. I have no clue why I stress, but that is exactly what I do. I want to just enjoy myself, but I always seem to be holding my breathe, waiting. I guess I just want everyone to have a nice holiday... Then, when it is over I rehash it over and over in my head. I have been soooo lacking in sleep lately. It is surprising that I am functioning at all.

So tonight, as the day of my daughter's 5th birthday comes to an end, I sit in silence. I am waiting for that next sense of urgency to hit- the need to get something done for the next monumental event. Sure, I have laundry and cleaning and everyday chores to do, but that is different. I am waiting for my next sense of purpose. For my next big deal. For my next something.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

I remember that as a child St. Patrick's Day was a big deal. One year my grandmother even dressed me as a leprechaun. I vividly remember running around the dining room in my glittery green costume setting the table.

There is also the tale of how our great great uncle was King of the Leprechauns. Of course, he used to nip into the spirits quite a bit, but that is what he claimed as he did his Irish jig around the room. =) Therefore as children my sister and I used to claim we had leprechaun blood. =)

I tried to share the tale with my girls this year. Shaely promptly got on the phone and called Mama to find out if I was telling the truth. =) Of course she was already leery of the concept of leprechans due to the fact her preschool teacher had told them how last year a leprechaun had used the bathroom and forgot to flush (think green water!). =0) They had been making leprechaun traps in school this past week. The other night at 2:00 in the morning Shaely calls to us that she has to got to the bathroom and keeps asking if it is St. Patty's Day. We keep telling her to go to the bathroom, but she won't. Finally Brian goes in and we realize that she is scared that there may be a leprechaun in the bathroom. It was hilarious, but not really at 2:00am. Hence the next morning I talked about how magical leprechauns are and how they tend to visit school, not houses. I also told them how their great great great uncle was king of the leprechauns, which of course then sparked the aforementioned phonecall to Mama. =)

So, although it doesn't hold the same magnitude of importance as it did as a child, I love St. Patty's Day. The thought of leprechauns, wearing green and magic makes me smile.

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!!!

Life's A Bowl of Lucky Charms

This morning my husband woke me up by bringing me a cup of coffee. I heard him put it on the nightstand and then begin his shaving preparation. I just wasn't ready to open my eyes yet.

I knew that I needed to open my eyes, but I was still caught in the state of semi-wakefulness. My eyes began to open and close rapidly like the flutter of a hummingbird wings. As I am having rapid fire eyesight, I hear the pitter patter of little feet coming down the hallway- in walks Shaely with a bowl of Lucky Charms in her hands (sans milk so she can sit with it on the couch and watch Mickey Mouse). She proceeds to chat away to my husband as he shaves.

By this point I am fully awake and watching her. It is amazing that she can be this alert and animated at this time in the morning. Suddenly my husband stops his shaving and realizes that she has cereal. When asked where she got it, Shaely states that she got it herself. I sleepily inform Brian that she pours her own cereal (without milk) all the time. She is getting to be a big girl! Shaely grins at him and leaves the room. Shaely's footsteps echo down the hallway as she heads out to watch TV. For such a little thing, she sure can make a lot of noise.

Now Brinly enters with brush and ponytail holder in hand. I still do not understand why my child insists on wearing her hair in a ponytail everyday. This has become a daily ritual. I sit up and take a sip of coffee and then brush her beautiful honey brown hair into a high pony placed firmly in the middle of her flat spot.

Once again the pitter patter of little feet can be heard coming down the hallway. Shaely comes in, once again with a bowl in her hands. This time she hands the bowl to me and with a huge grin spread across her face says, "Mommy, I made you breakfast in bed. But.... I left out the milk so you don't spill it in bed."

This morning my life is a bowl of Lucky Charms. Aren't I lucky? I think so!

Pure Joy

She was so sad that she didn't get to go see the new Alice in Wonderland movie.

My littlest daughter was jumping up and down in anticipation. My two girls and husband had been talking about the Alice in Wonderland release for weeks! Although I had extreme doubts about the appropriateness for either girl, I was willing to give it a go. As the time grew closer, I told my hubby that our littlest shouldn't go. He agreed, but she really wanted to go so we were going to give in.

As we prepared to leave for the theater, the nagging sensation in my gut grew. I knew that this wasn't a wise move. Looking at my husband I saw the doubt in his eyes as well. I decided to look it up online. There are numerous sites that specify the recommended ages for movies. Although rated PG, the movie was recommended for 11+ by many people. There were a few 7, 8, 10s, but for the most part it was geared toward older children. Brian said he thought that our 8 year old would be fine, but the youngest...

Looking at Shaely, I told her that this movie was too scary for her. I waited with abated breathe for the tantrum to ensue. Nothing... she just crumpled to the ground. My husband picked her up and she proceed to cry. I felt awful. Finally I bribed her- my husband suggested she and I go to frozen yogurt and she was sold. So as Brian and Brinly left, we got in the car and headed out for our mini yogurt date.

We had a fabulous time! We talked and giggled. We went to the nearby Little Gym and got information to sign her up for gymnastics with her friend. Then on the way home she said she wanted to go to the park so WE DID! We ran around and played. I haven't played like that with her in so long. It was uplifting. The pure joy on her face as she raced over the play structure and catapulted herself down the slide reminded me of all the fun I had as a child playing outdoors. She was content and happy. She didn't see the movie. She didn't have a little friend playing with her. Guess what? She could have cared less. She was playing with her mom and she was happy.

What started out as a sad morning turned into a good day. I truly am blessed.

Remembering

As the house trembles to the rumbling of the thunder I remember how as I child I would sit huddled under grandma's aftgan and count the seconds until the lightening would flash and light up the window. I would be warm in my little self-imposed cocoon and feel safe and loved. Outside the violent storm would fill the landscape, but I just felt the excitement of it all.

My eldest daughter's eyes grew wide with astonishment when I told her to hold very still during the storm.

"If you hold very still, you may feel the house move when the storm thunders."

She thought this was hilarious and a bit daunting.

"Just listen."

At the next sound of thunder she shakes her body. Maybe she is too young to appreciate the magnitude and wonder of a thunder storm...

Rites of Passage

Life is full of rites of passage. Your first date. Your first job interview. Your admission to college. Just to name a few.... =)

Today my daughter experienced one of her first rites of passage- her Kindergarten registration. She answered questions/performed tasks that will help establish her place in her academic career. I was so excited for her. She smiled, answered and charmed her way through the intricate performance assessing maze. She emerged from her first academic quest with a smile that radiated from her little angelic face. I was so proud.

In reality this feat will have little impact on her life as a whole. Yet, a rite of passage was completed today without the accolades that it heralded. So, here I am, a proud mother, and I want to shout to the heavens that I am soooooo proud of my little girl and I look forward to the many other rites that she will embark upon in her marvelous life.

Just Me

For years now my family and friends have encouraged me to write. I have made one excuse after the other not to... Too busy, I have to take care of the girls, I have to work, The house is a mess, I'm too tired, LAUNDRY (my favorite)... the list goes on.

These last few days I think I finally realized why I have not put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard in this case)- who is going to read it? Will people really find interesting the same things that I do? Will they find me creative and funny? Will they hold their breathe in anticipation of what I write next? Finally... I came to the conclusion of - SO WHAT! I am going to write and dream and share my thoughts. If people are interested then that is great! If not, oh well- I have expressed my thoughts and views. Or I have shared a wonderful story that has been trapped in my head for years. Or maybe I have just chosen to vent. Regardless, I have decided that it is time to get out there and try. If I never try then I will never succeed.

So- Hello World! Here I am! You will be hearing more from me soon.